How Deep is Your Love??

How frequently do we push beyond our boundaries of what is comfortable?  How many moments of complete silence do you experience in a day?  I do not have many, being mama to little people that never stop until bedtime.  :)  These quiet moments that come after reading stories, saying prayers, and tucking them in for the night... I am filled with gratitude.  There are dishes to do, laundry to fold, and the never ending work that is a mother's.  But tonight it is quiet.  I hear the plane flying overhead... I slow my breath to a longer rhythm... I have no desire to hear music or melody in this moment.  I am continuing to learn to embrace the beauty of quiet, silent, still solitude. This was not something that I learned by example, but have had to practice and exercise to improve upon.

Growing up my mother never sat still.  Late into the night she was moving... cleaning, cooking, folding, washing, reading.... never still.  If she sat still she would surely lay there for hours on end thinking about everything that must be done.  Any clue what dosha mama is?  :)  A fascinating extreme blend of vata and pitta!  She had the energy of a vata and the discipline of a pitta.  Amazingly productive! 

My kapha father was quite the opposite.  Slow, deliberate, contemplative, analytical, and a talker to beat all talkers.  :)  A lover of learning and of information of any kind...  Every evening after long hours of running his business he would sit at the television.... and flip.. then stay for a while... and flip... until he passed out from sheer exhaustion. Dad would sit still, but would never do so in silence.  There was always noise of some kind, as a distraction.

What is it about stillness that is so uncomfortable for some people?  What happens when you turn off the music and the television and the computer and the phone?  What do you hear?  Your own voice?  The voices of family or friends?  Are they words of love and gratitude?  Or the opposite?  Does it depend on the day?  The week?  Does it depend on how your relationships are going?  Do the things you say to yourself shift depending on the things others say to you??  

Here is the question:  Is your love of yourself dependent on an outside source?  Is the love for yourself conditional?  This is a potent and powerful question.  What if it is?  What does that mean?  What kind of problems could that present?  How does your love for yourself compare to your love for others?  Hmmm?  Curious what you think....